airforce nutrisoda: focus

Parethesis (girl) and I were wondering if the "Airforce" in Airforce nutrisoda was the same airforce of our esteemed paramilitary industrial machine. Since the company site says that Nutrisoda has a commitment to the environment and other social issues, we deduced that it was in fact not the U.S. Airforce. That would be silly.

For lunch today I had the "focus" flavor. This soda has 0 sugar and 0 caffeine. I can tell. But, I don't hate it. In fact, I might even feel a little better after having had a few sips, better health-wise, but also better about life in general. I can see the sun literally coming out from behind the clouds right now. 

I recommend it. It comes in a little red bull kind of can but is a bit cheaper. You can even buy "themed" multipacks online(christmas?).

No for real. We're hot.

Have you all seen the comments on the Qu?zmaster's blog? Some guy named jose-reyes seems to insinuate that HGS does not in fact put the "hot" in hot grad students! The horror!

On that note, in a much more flattering comment, Wickens says HGS might set up a dynasty if left unchecked. I called it! I now crown us the Brazil of pub quiz leagues.

Also, in non-trivia news, what do you do when a student asks you why you chose the texts you did? As in: "Why are we reading Watchmen instead of V for Vendetta?" Oddly enough, this is the same student who asked me about 9/11. I can't wait to see what he'll ask next. Possibilities: Hilary or Obama? Stewart or Colbert? Myanmar or Burma? Carleton Grange or Britinn?

Omigod we are like soooo awesome. And hot.

The theme of this post is: We won.

We won on Wednesday. 50 points outta 53. lemur catta, GTA Feghoot, parenthesis (girl) and me, LSW, were awesome as usual. Mad props, though, to Mister Ray, who provided the following answer: "Bruce Dickinson." Sweet chili peppers, but that was bitchin'.

The final was on Saturday. lemur catta, GTA Feghoot, parenthesis (girl) and I were there to take the hardest fucking quiz I've had to take since bloody high school Calculus. lemur catta's spouse (wife? life partner?), formerly of Team-o Supreme-o, was also there to lend a hand. Admittedly, we came in fourth place for the night (67 points outta 85), but it was enough to win the league. $200 bar tab here we come!

I'd write more, but dressing like a tart on Saturday (as per the theme: "Vicars and Tarts") has worn me out a bit. Low-cut tops and knee-high boots! Oh my!

The Short Happy Tales of Hot Grad Students

Howdy do folks!

Now if'n this were yer run-o-the-mill day, I'da regale ya with tales of the glories of HGS. Alas, I am a grad student, meanin' I'm as busy as a funeral home fan in Ju-ly.

An' let's face it: the story stays the same. We put the hot in Hot Grad Students. We're as hot as a June bride on a featherbed. We're as hot as a billy goat in a pepper patch. We're as smart as a tree full o' owls. Ya get the drill.

We didn't win, but those wily Van Buren Boys didn't beat us neither. HGS and VBB, the top two contenders at the Britinn pubs quiz, tied for third with thirty-eight points. Whew! This contest is a comin' down to the wire. It's gonna be so close there might be a photo finish. Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, look for HGS to be there, bustin' out like Secretariat. Or sumptin' like that.

Vivere est cogitare; or Anno Regni Hot Grad Students

Yep, LSW's gonna show off her fancy-pants BA edgumacation, and scrawl out this here post in half-American, half-Latin.

What can I say, y'all? HGS held absolutum dominium at last week's Britinn Pub Quiz, ringing in an impressive XLIII points out of XLVI. We proved once again that ipsa scientia potestas est. The highlights:

lemur catta, of course, is Regis Geographiae. But, in a stunning turn o' events, he got a sports question right. Rounders? Rounders? Video, sed non credo!

parenthesis girl is Regina Carmenae Profundus. A pedibus usque ad caput, that gal's one smart cookie.

GTA Feghoot is Regis Umbrae-moenia-caverna-Platae-movent-ae. (What? There ain't no word for "film" in Latin! I'ma doin' the best I can here!) Luceat lux vestra, GTA Feghoot, cuz there ain't no bushels 'roun' these parts.

Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner is Regina Aquae. A mari usque ad mare, Alistair knows her book learnin' real good.

And me? My contributions can be summed up in one astute phrase: Ut proverbium loguitur vetus, "Te audire no possum, musa sapienum fixa est in aura!" Yep. I'm the ringer!

In the long long ago, Julius Caesar may have said, "Veni, vidi, vici." HGS, however, walked off with their bottle of pomegranate vodka, a true tribute to the gods, proclaiming, "Venimus, vidimus, spurious brutus deitrum covimus!"

An interjection: Weirdbeard continues his hecklin', even after a sound thrashin' at the hands of HGS. Dude, as the Romans mighta said, "Fuck off!"

HGS, it's time to head on back to the Britinn like the Romans invaded Britannia. And, just like the Romans, we'll walk in with swords drawn, and on the field of battle cry out, "Ad victoriam!"

Well, I'm au bout de son latin (obviously), so I'll leave y'all with this:

Vale, lacerte!

Translations:

Vivere est cogitare: To live is to think.
Anno regni: In the year of the reign
Absolutum dominium: Absolute dominium
XLIII: 43
XLVI: 46
Ipsa scientia potestas est: knowledge itself is power
Regis Geographiae: King of Geography
Video sed non credo: I see it, but I can't believe it
Regis Carmenae Profundus: Queen of Esoteric Music
A pediubus usque caput: From top to toe
Regis: King
Umbrae-moenia-caverna-Platae-movent-ae: Shadows moving on the wall of Plato's cave. (poor attempt at a mutli-hyphenated word in the genitive case)
Luceat lux vestra: Let your light shine
Regina Aquae: Queen of Water
A mari usque ad mare: From sea to sea
Ut proverbium loguitur vetus, te audire no possum, musa sapienum fixa est in aura: As the old proverb says, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you, I have a banana stuck in my ear."
Veni, vidi, vici: I came, I saw, I conquered.
Venimus, vidimus, spurious brutus deitrum covimus: We came, we saw, we tore the thick bastards limb from limb.
Ad victoriam: To victory
Au bout de son latin: at the end of one's Latin (which is in French, actually)
Vale, lacerte!: Later gators!

Are there any questions?

My fellow GTAs, what would you do if a student came up to you after class and the following conversation ensued:

Student: Can I ask you about your personal politics?
Me: Um, sure. What's up?
Student: Do you think that 9/11 was a conspiracy?
Me: What do you mean?
Student: Do you think that the 9/11 attacks were a military operation carried out by the government?
Me: ***shocked silence***

Discuss.

Shootout at the OK Britinn

Howdy cowpokes and buffalo gals!

That's right. LSW is back, bitches, if'n a tad tardy. What can I say, y'all? I was born two weeks late, and I haven't been on time since. I'm a'comin' to you live from Stone Creek Coffee, where they have the best coffee north of the Mason and Dixon line. 'Course nothing beats Texas coffee, boiled over a campfire 'neath a Texas sky, where the stars at night are big and bright. (Clap clap clap clap.)

Last week's trivia night saw the usual suspects roundin' up to bring HGS to a stunning victory over our nemeses the Van Buren Boys. Without further fuss, the highlights:

lemur catta continues his rule o' geography. Yes, that is Uzbekistan. I coulda sworn I heard him mutter, "Our globe mighta be outta date, but at least we beat them damn commies!"

parenthesis (girl) showed us that white kids do love that hip-hop (a title formerly held by neurotic wonderboy). Yep, I do believe that gal's as smart as Hermione Granger, and she's got some serious book learnin' on her.

Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner educated HGS here on the finer points of basketball. Point guards? Forwards? Oh you Yanks and your "sports."

GTA Feghoot showed off his undying love for IMDb. Oddjob was Ko-rean? Who knew? GTA Feghoot, that's who!

And me? Ah, I'm just the clean-up crew, here to say, "Hey y'all, I may be from Texas, but I done read real good. So, I'ma gonna say this flag belongs to none other than Bo-livia." Hey Wickens, you're a'slippin'!

At the end of it all, HGS racked up 35 points, which caused us to despair. We thought our goose was cooked. Tin roof. Rusted. Ya gotta understand, there was seventeen teams there that night, and we didn't think we had a slug's chance in hell to oust VBB from the champs table.

Wickens 'nounced the teams from lowest to highest score. The team names fell while the numbers rose. Two teams had 18 points, two had 24, then 25, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31. Then two teams had 32 points! Then another two had 33! HGS was a'ranked in the top three teams! You coulda cut the pro-verbial tension with a Bowie knife. Me and parenthesis (girl) started chanting, "Just one more with 34! Just one more with 34!" Sure enough, third place had 34! I looked over at parenthesis (girl), and said, "We're in the top two, but dang it all, those pesky VBB musta beat us!"

Then Wickens said the greatest thing I done ever heard. "We have a tie."

That's right. VBB and HGS, tied with 35 points at the toppa the heap.

What next? Sudden death, y'all. It felt like we was in the Old West, walkin' down main street, tumbleweeds a'driftin' past us. Who would draw first? Who would be the best shot in the Midwest?

The question: The Soviet Union was formed after World War I but in which year did this occur?

VBB: 1919
HGS: 1922

The answer: 1922.

Two teams enter! One team leaves! VBB went down in a rain of intellectual warfare. Raise your pistols to the sky, HGS, and blow off that gunpowder smoke. We gotta table and a title to defend. See y'all later tonight!

HGS 2.0: Cleaning Out My Closet 'Till I Collapse

Howdy y'all...aw...fuck it.

I'm really not feeling East Texas right now. Hell, I'm not even from East Texas (although I did go to college around those parts). I'm just not feeling E.T. right now. So, for now, I'll perform my section of Texas. But, tune in next week, gentle readers, and watch out for the return of the "real" Lone Star Writer.

Even though we got a great score, I still feel disheartened by Wednesday's trivia night. HGS is a fan-damn-tastic team, but I think we were at loggerheads last night more than we usually are. And that makes me kinda sad. Anyhow, I think I'm going to give us rap nicknames that reflect our individual talents:

GTA Feghoot: Filmalicious

lemur catta: Gangsta Geography

parenthesis (girl): DJ Shakespeare

Lone Star Writer: Salt-n-Pop Culture

It was also strange because HGS splintered last night. No, no fighting in the collective, but we made space for some of parenthesis (girl)'s hometown buddies.

Flora: Dr.Rasputin

Fauna: Funkmaster Rough Rider

Merriweather: Foxy Potter

(Sorry for the Disney reference, but I couldn't think of any other aliases.)

Here's to the splinter-group Stark-Naked and the Car Thieves, who posted an impressive score as well. Cheers to group members Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner, neurotic wonderboy, and Mister Ray. You were missed.

And, yeah, it's petty but I'm happy that the Van Buren Boys didn't actually get fifty-one points; they got fourty-nine (check the Quizmaster's blog if you don't believe me). I guess the team members that graded the VBB's quiz weren't exactly Mathletes. (Sorry. That's cruel. I should've said they were mathletically challenged.) In short, first place is not impossible; they're only six points ahead, and there's five weeks in front of us. What can I say, y'all? It's time to start chipping away.

ANIs #3; or, is this what you had in mind, GTA Feghoot?

Well, I decided to take pity on GTA Feghoot, and find him a truly awesome name. I can't say how I found it, but it's real. And it's spectacular.

Starlesha Brazil

There. Is that worthy of awesome-ness?

ANIs #2

Well, GTA Feghoot, I think the American Puritans get a medal in this competition. Here's some of the crazy names they gave their kids:

Misercordia-Adulterina
Job-Raked-Out-Of-The-Ashes
Small-Hope
The-Lord-is-Near
Fight-the-Good-Fight-Of-Faith
Be-Courteous
Kill-Sin
Safely-On-High

Ah dumb names, the punishment that keeps on giving.

The Official Football Player of HGS (Awesome Name Series #1)

As many of you have probably now realized by reading my previous posts, I have an interest in nomenclature. Oh yes, I have been known from time to time to submit papers in graduate seminars that utilize Lacanian psychoanalytic theory in order to analyze the use of language and the act of naming to discuss power dynamics in the novels of Charles Dickens (see Feghoot's "Handles and Handels: Nomenclature as Ownership in Dickens's Great Expectations"). For this post, however, I do not want to venture into critical theory as much as I would like to create awareness and promote appreciation for those people in our world who have been bestowed awesome names. I hope that other contributors to this blog will, over time, add their own Awesomely Named Individuals (ANIs) to the discussion. So here it is: the inaugural post in the Awesome Name Series.

I just recently finished watching my TIVOed Fox Soccer Report (not an entirely exciting program, but useful for preparing for the weekly pub quiz) on which they include a weekly feature known as "Saves of the Week." During this feature, they showed the highlight saves by an Argentinean goalkeeper whose name is:

FABIAN ASSMANN.

Fabian is actually his middle name, which makes all the difference in terms of his awesomeness since his first name is actually, get this, Walter. He wears the number one on his jersey, so I found it fitting that he be number one in our Awesome Name series. So here's to you, Walter Fabian Assmann: number one for Club Atletico Independiente, number one in our hearts!

HGS 2.0: So hot the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs

Some trivia questions for y'all:

What is hotter than a summer revival?
What is hotter than a burning stump?
What is hotter than a honeymoon hotel?

Answer: Hot Grad Students!

With an impressive forty outta forty-four points, HGS won round four of the Britinn pub quiz. Yippee-kay-yay! Not only that, but HGS scrambled up the league ladder to claim second place, knocking 26 + 6 = 2 into third and My Dick Has More Bend Than David Beckham's Freekicks outta the champions' booth. Watch out Van Buren Boys, we're a'comin' for you next! Remember, there're two theories to beatin' HGS, and neither one works.

For all ya sports fan out there, here's the night's highlights:

parenthesis (girl) pulled Electric Six outta that massive brain of hers. That gal's as hot as the hinges of hell.

lemur catta knew the Whigs were created to oppose Andrew Jackson (AKA Rat Bastard). Damn, but he's as hot as a two-dollar pistol.

GTA Feghoot cleaned up the film and teevee section once again. That boy's as hot as a preacher's knee.

Mister Ray knew that the Kroeger brothers are part of Nickelback. Whooooeee, but he's as hot as fur coat in Marfa.

And LSW? As luck would have it, I brung mah new-fangled laptop to the Britinn. Me and parenthesis (girl) looked up last minute soccer info. That's how we knew where the last three World Cups was held. I guess that makes me as hot as a stolen tamale. And since I got to the Britinn so early I saw the sun kiss the sky, I was given the honor of takin' our winnins – a bottle a Vincent Van Gogh Raspberry Vodka – backta mah humble abode. As a true-blue Texan, I'd rather drink sarsaparilla, but ah guess that commie stuff'll do alright.

In stupid news, Weirdbeard continued his hecklin' of HGS when he flipped off parenthesis (girl) in a weird foreign sorta way. Hey Weirdbeard, we know ya gotch ya issues, but don't hang ya wash on someone else's line. Being a sore loser only makes ya look like ya just fell off the watermelon truck. Shoot but iff'n that boy's as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.

In bonus news, here's some HGSisms of the night:

"Who smells like bacon?"
"The nickel was right!"

Oh yeah baby. In case ya didn't notice, we are hot, hot, hot.

HGS 2.0: The Weekly Round-up

Howdy cowpokes! Since GTA Feghoot and parenthesis (girl) are off entertaining parental units (who may or may not become honorary members of HGS next week – stay tuned loyal readers!), I figured I'd step up to the plate and do the weekly in summation.

HGS is still in third place overall, with only four points between us and second place, five between us and first. And let me tell you folks, this race is gonna be closer to call than a Michael Vick dog fight (What? Too soon?).

This past week HGS gave good show (one point away from the two teams tied at second, two away from first), even though we were continually heckled all night by someone that HGS has dubbed "Weird Beard." As mah pappy woulda said, that boy's all hat and no cattle. (Personally, I woulda said he's so ugly he looks like he was born downwind from an outhouse, but then I'm not as nice as mah pappy.)

Speaking of things that just ain't right. As you know, I'm a newbie on HGS so I only heard vague rumors about the chilly reception that they get at the BrittInn, like how other teams won't clap for them at the end. Even so, I was still shocked at how rude these Yankees can be. I know mah momma didn't raise me to be a sore loser, but I guess some people was weaned on sour grapes. As mah momma woulda said, them sums-o-bitches were probably born inna barn, and if their brains were leather, they couldn't saddle a flea. (Personally, I woulda said they couldn't pour piss outta boot with a hole in the toe and the directions on the heel, but then I'm not as charitable as mah momma.)

Although HGS did well, I don't think I contributed much. I felt like a blister; I only showed up when the work was done. Here are stirring tales of people who didn't sit on their goshdarned spurs:

GTA Feghoot knew who the heck Phileas Fogg was – an explorer from Jules Verne's Around the World in Eighty Days. In other words, he's ridin' high in tall cotton. Most of us literary types, though, were amused that this question got shuttled under the "History and Politics" category. As you Yanks 'cross the pond might say: Honestly.

parenthesis (girl) rightly stood up to LSW here, insistin' that the three counties in Wisconsin that began with a "J" were Jackson, Jefferson, and Juneau. It was not Jasper County, which is actually in East Texas. Ah well. You can take the Texan out of Texas… Anyhow here's to parenthesis (girl), whose determination shows she'd charge hell with a bucket of water.

Yet again, lemur catta showed off his mad geography skillz. (Armenia? Yukon? Yowza!) What can I say? That boy's as serious as the business end of a .45.

If'n that don't beat a hen peckin,' Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner was gay enough to know that Justin Guarini was runner-up on the first season of American Idol. Yup, that gal's slickern butter.

Someone not on this blog – let's call her THE WAD – knew that "Octopussy's Garden" was not one of The Beatles' number one hits. That Wad: she's so hot the fire ants don't sting her.

Next week, the mighty HGS will once again travel the long miles to the BrittInn. I wouldn't declare it's far away, but most Texans would say, "You need to get where? Well, here's whatcha do. Turn left past yonder, and it's two hoots and a holler away." Never mind that; we'll be there folks. Just remember this sage advice: a drought usually ends with a flood. By the way, for all of those out there who are as smart as mashed potatoes, that last sentence meant: watch out for the rise of HGS! Don't call it a comeback. We've been here for years.

For now, as they say in Mexican, adios compadres. But y'all come back now, ya hear?

Best of Craigslist 1.3

---

hot shot, & sex pot - m4w - 35

Reply to: pers-410112570@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-30, 4:31PM CDT


Me 5 foot nothing, drving an '89 IROC Camaro, denim neck to toe. Collar popped and my Italian Wish horn smothered in dark greasy chest hair and dark tanning oil. You A blonde haired Peg Bundy with a cuter smile and lots more eye make up. Just wondering if you wanted to exchange numbers and show eachother our leopard print.

---

All relationships should be built off of this kind of honesty.

Study Break

I know you're all laughing at the title of this post, since we're Grad Students and we never break from studying (nor from being sizzling hot), but since the Qu?zmaster has begun to include more questions about musical terminology in the weekly quizzes, I thought I'd compile a list of terms (and their definitions) often used in musicology, myself being a former classical percussionist. So here it is for the benefit and education of the HGS, a list of terms to study. Good luck!


Obligato - being forced to practice

Metronome - short, city musician who can fit into a Honda Civic

Lento - the days leading up to Easto

Largo - beer brewed in Germany for the Florida Keys

Piu Animato - clean out the cat's litter box

Con Spirito - drunk again

Colla Voce - this shirt is so tight I can't sing

Improvisation - what you do when the music falls down

Prelude - warm-up before the clever stuff

Flats - English apartments

Chords - things organists play with one finger

Discords - thing that organists play with two fingers

Suspended Chords - useful for lynching the vocalist

Time Signatures - things for drummers to ignore

Melody - an ancient, now almost extinct, art in songwriting

Klavierstuck - A term used by German furniture movers attempting to get a piano through a narrow doorway.

Music Stand - An intricate device used to hold music. Comes in two sizes - too high or too low - always broken.

Tonic - A medicinal drink consumed in great quantity before a performance, and in greater quantity afterwards.

Dominant - What parents must be if they expect their children to practice.

Concert Hall - A place where large audiences gather, for the sole purpose of removing paper wrappings from candy and gum.

Sotto Voce - singing while drunk

Agogic - playing high enough on an oboe to make the eyes bulge.

Cadenza - slapping noise on office furniture

Fandango - grabbing the pull chain on the ceiling fan

Prima Volta - jump start with a battery

Refrain - proper technique for playing bagpipes

Smorzando - with melted chocolate and marshmallow

You see, Wednesday wasn't just any other day. It was my first day. That's right. The newbie's making a Scrubs reference.

Hey, y'all. LSW here. First time, long time.

I know I've been a silent member of this blog, but I had my reasons. Once upon a time, in a state far far away, in the before time, the long long ago, I was just a small town girl, living in a lonely world…oh, wait. No I wasn't. I was an avid Jeopardy! watcher, someone who'd maybe join a casual game of Trivial Pursuit. I was never fixin' to join the high-stakes world of bar trivia.

But, this past Wednesday, I finally left my apartment of solitude to join the well-oiled machine that is hotgradstudents. Seriously folks, if you looked up "team" in the dictionary, you'd find a picture of HGS. They were as fine as cream gravy. Here are a few of the night's highlights:

Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner pulled out "Shoot the Moon." Hot damn, but that gal was slicker than a greased soap bar.

paranthesis (girl) showed off her mad skillz at 80's music. (Spandau Ballet? Hoooo doggie!)

lemur catta knew the answer to every geography question devised by man. Boy howdie, he could sit on the fence and the birds would feed him.

GTA Feghoot revealed his penchant for memorizing the IMdB. I always said that boy could talk a film critic outta a balcony.

neurotic wonderboy proved that white kids do love hip-hop. He may be as shy as a mail-order bride, but he's as sharp as Jim Bowie's knife (God rest his Texican soul).

As for this Texan gal, I may have been as nervous as a whore in church, but I feel I gave it my all. If anything, I finally found validation to my life-long accruement of random crap (er, information). I mean, who'da thought I'd ever be able to utilize my knowledge about where most of the Summer Olympics were held? And here my Momma thought I'd come to no good in this big city of sin and debauchery.

All in all, the night was as a success, even though traveling through that weather was as fun as milking an ill-tempered goat. The wind was blowing like perfume through the prom. HGS may have finished in second place, but don't count us out. We're riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels. After all, next Wednesday is another trivia day.

For real, y'all.

the Department Comic #1

yo suckas, fool suckas. The Department #1 is finally up on my own blog. It's a good read, but you don't have to take my word for it.

Quiz League III (Hot Grad Students 2.0) and Gosh! Wow! A Celebrity Sighting!

The third Brit Inn Quiz League began this past Wednesday, immediately after the grueling final week of the second one in which HGS garnered the victory. Without any feelings of a "need to repeat" setting in just yet, the HGS decided to let loose and explore that $200 bar tab a bit more. This time around, HGS had a few new faces. While parenthesis (girl), Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner, GTA Feghoot, lemur catta, and someone we'll call Kathleen (who was first called up for the grand finale) were present, the HGS sported two new members as well: someones we'll call the The Wad and The Bouche, for now. We did not win, although it kind of felt like we did, as the sudden death champs the Van Buren Boys shared their melon vodka with anyone and everyone who could get their hands on a shot glass.

As the league will go on and as the HGS continues to rotate members in and out, the more exciting news for the week comes from Friday night, when parenthesis (girl), GTA Feghoot, Lone Star Writer (who is a member of the blog and may or may not join Team-O Supreme-O -- stay tuned, America!), and someone we'll call The Acclaimed Author of The Da Vinci Code were all minding our own business and beverages at the Vox when, wouldn't you know it, the Milwaukee Qu?zmaster and his entourage came in. The MQ came over to greet us, introduced himself to our friends as "Hi, I'm Ryan, but you can call me the Qu?zmaster," and he put his hand on GTA Feghoot's shoulder (insert high-pitched squeal here). He and his entourage seemed to be on a pub crawl (sorry, everyone who thought they would haunt the Vox from now on awaiting the arrival of the MQ) and didn't stay long, but while they were there engaged in, from what we could tell, some drinking game involving The Police song "Roxanne." What a night that was!

OK. Now back to posting bogus Craigslist personal ads for neurotic wonderboy to discover.

Best of Craigslist 1.2

where are you my ballerinna? - w4m - 35

Reply to: pers-397371270@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-14, 11:24PM CDT


I saw you tonite playing pool with a pink ballerina tutu and you had grayish skin. You reminded me of one of those hippos from fantasia. You danced so angelic. Please, I hope you were not scared that I had on a zorro mask. I can't help it sometimes..... i want to be mysterias......i will see you again soon..

I want to party with these 2.

Quiz League, Grand Finale: We'll Be Singing When We're Winning (Pissing the Night Away?)

So this past Saturday, parenthesis (girl), neurotic wonderboy, GTA Feghoot, Mister Ray (formerly known as "someone we'll call Mr. ARO," and, at one point, "Prince Adam"--that's right, he finally joined the blog), Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner, lemur catta, and someone we'll call Kathleen (a new recruit for the M.I.A. violet this week), constituting the mighty Hot Grad Students quiz league team of the Brit Inn Summer Quiz League 2007, went "overboard" for the Beach Party theme of the Grand Finale, bringing with them a beach towel, an inflatable fun ball, a bucket of leis, snorkels, a plush dolphin our waitress Christine christened "Possum," water wings, a "water noodle," ukuleles, sunglasses, tanning oil, hula girls, hawaiian shirts, bermuda shorts, haitian hockey jerseys, jamaican bobsleds, a Spuds McKenzie impersonator, coconuts, a suckling pig (which we roasted table-side), and a mid-size yacht (which we parked outside on Oakland Avenue) for the occasion.

The Milwaukee Qu?zmaster, not to be outdone, sported a fauxconut bra and a grass skirt as he promoted an exercising apparatus that apparently gives you maximum results through minimal use. The quiz for the finale, as promised, was MASSIVE: 102 points were up for grabs. The HGS came to play too, capturing 94 of those points. Damn refrigerators of the 1920s! The HGS did remarkably well this quiz, finding a way, either through plain luck or actual knowledge, to answer correctly nearly all the questions worth 5 points or higher. That's what put us on top this week. We knew we had to perform well, as we secretly knew, through our own calculations of the league's adjusted scores, that we were 2 points down to Team-O Supreme-O going into Saturday night.

Here are some of the highlights:

The substitute for violet, Kathleen, helped out a lot on things like the Jordan flag, Oscar-nominated actors, the oeuvre of Michael Jackson, and the refrigerator question (which we got wrong, but she led us to a more appropriate incorrect answer).

neurotic wonderboy totally knew Jacko's song "Ben" and could spot Vinny Testaverde in a crowd of New England Patriots.

lemur catta has an obscene knowledge of geography and can draw lines between words. He totally rides the walrus.

parenthesis (girl) loves the (boy) bands, and knew most of 'N Stynk. And she's also really good with geography letter questions. And spelling.

Mister Ray had the extremely serendipitous foresight to research the work of Oasis--and, wouldn't you know it, a massive question about Oasis came up. He's our Wonderwall.

Alistair knew a whole lot of stuff and also looks really good in a bathing suit.

Feghoot really only knows about James Bond, so he didn't really do much. Also, he was on the team with probationary status, so he couldn't really do much.

So 94 points--we won, right? Wait a minute. Hold your seahorses! The extra bonus round involved karaoke--we were to be judged on originality, enthusiasm, and entertainment value--and the MQ would be our Simon Cowell! Any team vying in the league HAD to participate. How did we do, you ask?

The HGS performed a rousing rendition of Soft Cell's "Tainted Love" to the delight of all the other teams and patrons. Well, that's not actually how it happened. We were booed off the stage. We so could have used William Hung that night. The MQ exposed our one weakness--actual talent. Everybody did better than we did at karaoke. But come on, we didn't enter a karaoke league--we entered a trivia league! So we can't sing, but we could tell you what "karaoke" means in Japanese (What do you mean it doesn't mean "divine wind?" That's "kamikaze"?!? Well, we did crash and burn).

The HGS did achieve this Saturday a new status of celebrity/infamy at the Brit Inn. Some team (?) turned in an answer sheet with the name "Hot Grad Students Suck and Need to Get a Life," or something to that effect. We had many and varied reactions to this which ranged from "That's a shrewd insight" to "mockery is the sincerest form of flattery" to "you like us, you really like us" to "look, ma, top of the world." While we may be hated, it says something that a team (?) would go out of its way to name their own team an insult toward the HGS. Ah, the price of fame!

Congratulations to both Team-O Supreme-O and the Van Buren Boys for doing well and for being very tough competitors (as well as all the other teams, including HGSSANTGAL). Well, we kinda have to like Team-O Supreme-O, seeing that one of their members is married to one of ours. And the Van Buren Boys are our chums--we go way back to week one of the league. Dan Van Buren reminded HGS of the VBB's official stance towards us: "We hate you, but we don't really hate you." That's all we ask. What should the HGS's official stance on the Van Buren Boys be? How about "We think we like you." This looks like the start of a beautiful friendship. Allons, enfants, de la patrie...

So where does HGS go now? These ten weeks have been brutal (not to mention the five or six hours we spent at the Brit Inn this Saturday) and with school starting in a few weeks (at last, the HGS can finally get a life, but they may still suck!) AND with the next Brit Inn Quiz League commencing immediately it's difficult to gage what our commitment to this trivia sparkle-motion will be like. Do we want to defend our title to the bitter end? Do we want to come every week but not take it as seriously? Or do we want to return periodically, to see if we'll still get booed, to look upon the arena of our former glory?

Tune in next week! Same Hot Time! Same Hot Channel!

And team members, can the alternate team name post get a little love?

Hot Grad Students Sound-Off: Alternate Team Names

While it is agreed that "Hot Grad Students" is an awesome team name (as well as an awesome name for a blog--imagine all the googlers out there looking for actual "hot grad students" on the web, won't they be in for a surprise, those perverts), I'm sure we've wondered about other possible team names. Well, here's your chance to list some. OK team, give us a few other awesome trivia team names.

To help get things started, GTA Feghoot will offer a few:

"To All My Slaves: See You In Hell!"

"Oh, the Humanity!"

"To Julie Newmar, You're Welcome, Wong Foo"

"Yeti, Set, Go!" ("Ready, Set, Yeti" is also acceptable)

"I'm Sorry. I Thought You Was Corn."

"The Soviet Urine" (as a tribute to our Milwaukee Qu?zmaster)

"Zach Braff? More Like Zach Barff...Zing." (So it's already taken--it's still a great team name)

Your turn. Sound off...now.

Finals tomorrow . . . this shit just got real.

Quiz League, Week Nine: Inevitabilty

MILWAUKEE -- The Hot Grad Students on Wednesday requested waivers on trivia team member GTA Feghoot for the purpose of giving him his unconditional release, putting another small dent into the team's flim and tele depth.

Feghoot spent three idle days with the HGS last week but was designated for assignment on Saturday to clear a roster spot for Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner's return from Las Vegas. Feghoot started the season with HGS and went 8-0 on James Bond questions before suffering a brain injury in late July.

Entering the pub quiz league, History and Politics was thought to be HGS's strong suit, but No. 1 trivia team member lemur catta landed on the disabled list and the four other starters -- neurotic wonderboy, violet, Mr. ARO, and Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner -- have, for the most part, failed to go as deep into games as manager parenthesis (girl) expected they would.

That fact has taxed a trivia team that was boosted by Spiritrunner's arrival but nonetheless has struggled since (winless since week five). At the same time, roster management decisions have forced the team to part with a number of great minds.

"We still feel comfortable with what we have," manager and team captain parenthesis (girl) said. "There are still guys [at Triple-A Marquette] that we can push up if we need to."

So, anybody who reads this, bid GTA Feghoot a fond farewell as he attempts to salvage some dignity in the minor leagues of triviadom. That's right--he'll be watching Jeopardy at home alone from now on.

Good luck, Hot Grad Students. May you finish second, at least.

Carelton Grange Pub Quiz: The Hot Grad Students Moonlight, or: Whose Wedding Is This?

So Tuesday evening parenthesis (girl) and GTA Feghoot, most likely due to their very recent move to Bayview, decided to attend the inaugural pub quiz at the Carleton Grange in St. Francis, without any of the other HGS members, thus appearing not as HGS but as another team (which we'll not name here).


Well, the pizza was very good, and the beer selection not great ("oh, we don't really have St. Georges Ale, although both our menu and website say we do"--come on, guys, it's called updating), so we were subjected to something called "London Pride" (which the Qu?zmaster claims is the best beer ever, but which the HGS claims is only slightly better than Bass), and the quiz was held in some special room that looked like it was reserved for some lame wedding reception. The Carleton Grange itself was nice, despite its blue-haired old-folks' home appeal. Dude, we were the youngest ones there by thirty years--these patrons made the HGS look really young, and that's saying something, because, you know.

On the whole, the masquerading HGS did very well with only two members, especially since all the other teams had about 6 to 8 members. Highlights: getting the Pakistan and the the South Africa questions correct, as well as knowing the capital of Hawaii. What killed us, and what could have killed any team, were the ridiculous questions concerning the ordering of various things, like which musical artist has had the most #1 singles in America, or which countries have the most international tourists. Those questions are not so much trivia as they are based on pure luck or chance--unless you know exactly the top 5 countries with the most international tourists, or if you're able to identify them correctly, you're not likely to guess the top 5 correctly, even with options. Since there was about four questions like that, the faux HGS was unable to do well, even though we were competitive. Perhaps if we had more people on the team. Who knows? I'm talking to you, other HGS members.

Will HGS return to the Carleton Grange for trivia? Perhaps, but most likely not as HGS. I have a feeling that the HGS as we know it is no more. What does "trivia" mean anyway?

What was special about this night had nothing to do with the trivia teams, but had everything to do with our beloved Milwaukee Qu?zmaster. It is fitting that the surroundings at the Carleton Grange resembled a wedding, since both parenthesis (girl) and GTA Feghoot witnessed a marriage--that of the Milwaukee Qu?zmaster and his destiny, "marriage" in this case meaning "any close or intimate association or union." The MQ's 1st appearance at a bar that is not the Brit Inn implies the first step to stardom, to celebrity, to the "no-looking-back" stage. The two of us witnessed this Tuesday night the MQ being more than just the MQ--he has become a corporate entity. The MQ officially commodified himself. Will life ever be the same?
He has become, officially (!), larger than life. Some trivia teams (which will be left unnamed) may want to ride his coattails, but does the HGS? We don't make much money, that's for sure.

Damn straight.

Quiz League, Week Eight: Why Even Bother?

Captain Planet? Really? Is that what we've come to?

Best of Craigslist 1.1

posted 2007-07-19, 9:04PM CDT on milwaukee craigslist:

"Wednesday night landmark love---
You: messy dark hair and dirty white T shirt.
Me: skinny with a knife in my purse. "


I have messy dark hair!

Quiz League, Week Seven: Happy Jose Celso Barbosa Day, Lemur Catta!

So on tonight’s broadcast of Fox 6 News at 10 (which airs locally at 9:30—another great job, Fox 6 News Team!), Peter Linton-Smith was finally granted a few minutes of airtime to present his report on the weekly Brit Inn Pub Quiz. Here are the highlights:

Members of “Pull/Put Your Hoods Up Lads” and some team called the “Van Buran Boys” were briefly interviewed.

Linton-Smith did not mention the Qu?zmaster’s week six fascination with Soviet Urine (which he obviously shares with everybody’s favorite psychotic, General Jack D. Ripper in Dr. Strangelove) but did reveal that it takes the Qu?zmaster three hours a week to compose the quiz. No mention of his note-taking or revision strategies.

The cameraman seemed focused on the “action shots”: drinking, “thinking,” and answer-writing. This just in—Fox 6 News reports epidemic of poor penmanship allegedly perpetrated by drunken “trivia buffs.” More at 11 (10:30).

Three HGS members were featured prominently in various shots (lemur catta, GTA Feghoot, and someone we’ll call Mr. ARO). Fox 6 News will be hearing from their respective attorneys.

* * *

Week Seven of the Brit Inn Summer Quiz League can best be compared to those days (way) back in high school when the substitute teacher came to your class: you and your classmates could always get away with creating much more classroom pandemonium when your regular teacher wasn’t there to be recognized as the symbol of authority. Well, folks, that’s exactly what happened Wednesday night during Ryan’s absence—a substitute quizmaster (little q, no question mark) came in, and all hell broke loose. The crowd was rowdier, the music lamer, and enunciation completely irrelevant.

In fact, the last characteristic definitely had adverse effects on the participating members of HGS last night: parenthesis (girl), neurotic wonderboy, GTA Feghoot, violet, someone we’ll call Mr. ARO, and, a last minute addition, Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner. The team incorrectly answered some questions due to an inability to interpret what Ludaquiz was saying, even upon his repeating the questions. Even Demosthenes took the pebbles out of his mouth sometimes. Was that really the Queen’s English? (Maybe the Queen Latifah’s.) It didn’t help that there was an overall reluctance to quiet down while questions were being read.

A chaotic spirit was not only instigated but seemed to be encouraged by the sub-quizzer, as often he would interrupt reading a question to make some indecipherable remarks or insults to various teams or individual participants who were being naughty, noisy, or nuisances. Of course, it was extremely difficult to distinguish these interruptions in the questions from the questions themselves. This practice slowed down the whole quiz (it took well over two hours), and perhaps reached its lowest low when Quizzy Elliott allowed someone to use the microphone in order to witness to all the patrons. That’s right, there was a Bible reading. What’s next—questions in French?!? Cauchemar fromage!

Despite the difficult circumstances (I know the three people who are reading this are saying right about now “Oh boo-hoo Hot Mad Students, poor babies,” but it’s all in jest) HGS finished a very close third. On the whole, it was a fairly challenging quiz, and also great to see that the Qu?zmaster didn’t phone it in and took three hours out of his pilgrimage to write a fine quiz. How long is three hours in metric? Here are the highlights:

Violet came up huge with answers concerning the Falkland Islands, the Temptations, and the cinematic masterpiece Wild Hogs.

Mr. ARO mastered the questions dealing with Thundercats (Ho!) and Apu’s progeny (Oc-Ho!)

GTA Feghoot’s ass gets an honorable mention for retaining these three words: “Cyrus the Virus.”

Parenthesis (girl) swept the bonus round and so knew Macau.

MVP: neurotic wonderboy for his knowledge concerning Kurt Cobain’s middle name and Travis (and, no, Kurt Cobain’s middle name is not Travis).

There was also a trick question about James Bond. The question was: Which actor has portrayed James Bond the most times? Roger Moore, as blogged about last week, appeared as 007 double-o seven times (and Moore was accepted as the correct answer) yet Sean Connery also portrayed the debonair secret agent double-o seven times, yet only six of those appearances were in “official” UA/Eon Productions. This was not mentioned. Of course, only the Hot Grad Students are probably interested in how Ryan Wickens conceptualizes the James Bond canon. Return to us safely, Milwaukee Qu?zmaster.

Quiz League, Week Six: Hot Grad Students Live and Totally News-ed

So Week Six of the Brit Inn Summer Quiz League was, apparently, not to be missed: the Fox 6 News team actually showed up this time, no doubt parched after their coverage of last week's northside inferno as well as their controversial expose on the Brewers magnetic schedule curse (both stories turned out to be connected--whodathunk?), as well as the 7 representatives of HGS (all of whom have nifty Simpsonian avatars now): neurotic wonderboy, parenthesis (girl), GTA Feghoot, Violet, lemur catta, Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner, and someone we'll call Mr. ARO (I know, I know--we can call him whatever the hell we want since he hasn't signed up for the blog yet--for this week, let's call him "Prince Adam, son of Randor, ruler of Eternia, of the Kingdom of Eternos," and instead of that aforementioned avatar, we'll substitute this one:





It turned out to be a rather festive night, beginning with the solution to "The Mystery of the Missing Waitress," who, despite GTA Feghoot's extremely persuasive and logically plausible explanation concerning the Brit Inn waitress's involvement with both the fire and the magnetic schedule curse (I told you it was all connected!) and her subsequent run from local authorities, it turned out, was only in Las Vegas last week, partying it up with neurotic wonderboy at the Palms Casino. What a duo that would make: Beer AND Loathing.

Our beloved Milwaukee Qu?zmaster, or, as I like to call him, Don Quizote de la Milwaukee, began the evening with everybody's favorite Arctic Monkeys songs and then proceeded to offer a quiz with a massive, MASSIVE amount of points up for grabs, so it was, in Buffyese, a "good" that we were all there. Also, we were able to provide much eye candy for the Fox 6 News cameras. It all turned out very well, as the HGS garnered 50 points to finish a close second to the very resourceful and very, very loud Team-o Surprem-o (damn--why don't we have punctuation in our team name? Yo, P. (G.): you know what to do!).

Questions of Great Significance: the Countries o' Nine-I's (as in name them all for 9 points), the Countries with partial territory claims to the continent of Antarctica for various research (imperialist) pursuits (because we all know the Million Penguin March of '05 was way too successful for the well-being of the world--who do you think is behind global warming?), and our totally random guess of 1903 for the inaugural year of Le Tour de France, or, as we Americans like to call it, the bike race Lance Armstrong used to win all the time.

Miscellany: The HGS was shocked, shocked that the Knight of the Trivial Countenance (countenance in this context meaning "support" or "approval") stated, stated (twice, that is) that Roger Moore had only appeared as James Bond 007 five times instead of seven times (of course, if Ryan is suggesting that the outrageously bad "Moonraker" and "The Man With the Golden Gun" should NOT be included in the official Bond cinematic canon, then that's an oversight I'm willing to comply with, 'cause, damn, those movies aren't very good. NOTE: May substitute "A View to a Kill" for "Golden Gun."). Also, HGS answers questions dealing with sports about as well as we actually play those sports, but we did alright. Still got a bottle.

The quiz ended with song clips, and thankfully the rest of the team knows popular music because that GTA Feghoot don't know shit about it. If the Qu?zmaster ever plays excerpts from conservative talk radio programs, this feg will definitely hoot. So next week the mystery to be solved is: now that she's back, what is our waitress's name?

On a Sad Note: the Qu?zmaster has informed us he'll be gone for week seven due to a London pilgrimage. Team: be prepared for anything and everything. While GTA Feghoot constructs yet another crackpot theory about the connection between the fire and the magnetic schedule curse, and, certainly, Ryan's involvement with it, I'll remind us all of how Nabokov describes quizmaster substitution at the end of his novel Pale Fire: "But whatever happens, wherever the scene is laid, somebody, somewhere, will quietly set out--somebody has already set out, somebody still rather far away is buying a ticket, is boarding a bus, a ship, a plane, has landed, is walking toward a million photographers [or the Fox 6 News team; editor's note], and presently he will stop in at the Brit Inn--a smaller, less respectable, less competent Qu?zmaster."

unsolicted, unofficial, HGS Trivia team Player Profiles

Since I am superficial, judgemental, selfish, hyper-critical and otherwise full of crap, I thought that I'd take it upon myself to write some unsolicited player profiles of the Hot Grad Student Trivia Team. Please do not post comments or edit these profiles in anyway, since you will obviously be wrong.

GTA Fegfoot: He IS the Internet Movie Database. Aside from that, he also reads wikipedia for fun. For serious.

Parenthesis (Girl): Also a lifetime subscriber to the wikipedia, which just goes to show that it can be used critically as a valid academic research source. Take note all English 102 students. Using Wiki will payoff...in spades (great phrase, no idea what it means. I can only guess that "spades" are awesome).

Neurotic Wonder Boy: That's me. And like the bible, you can and should read my name literally. I am nervous and wonderful. I can't come through in the clutch, but I can be counted on to know something or other about one or two things each time we play. I'm down with sugary pop music and for some reason I can answer questions about Africa, though only superficially. More often than not, though, I just play footsie with the other grad students under the table.

Mr. ARO: He's a tall drink of water, but prefers beer and gin (separately). Has intermediate knowledge of pop music and is from a midwestern state which means he probably knows a thing or two about American presidents. Sometime pronounces "insurance" with emphasis on the "in" rather than the "sur" (like I do, which is the right way). Is a Cardinals fan, but hey, nobody's perfect. Can beat me at Tekken 5.

Lemur Catta: Perhaps a team unto himself with an extensive knowledge of both Freddy Mercury and Africa. But, not all this "cat" has to offer. While he's prone to violent "rage" blackouts, he will often surprise you by being available to play darts late night at the Landmark Lanes. That's southern hospitality for you.

Lonestar Writer: I'm guessing is from Texas, which you don't mess with.

Violet: While we share a common friendship with the Associate Dean of Letters and Sciences, Violet often rises above the petty departmental politics that comes with a job in academia. Her penchant for hot british actors and bad RnB music takes her far at the trivia table.

Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner: A long name for a short girl. He taste in clothing is impeccable, and I know this because she has the same taste as me - impeccable. Her critical eye misses nothing as she turns trivia answers over in her head, eventually rendering both answer and question utterly meaningless. As the answers implode, the points for her team add up exponentially. She can also time travel. And though she's only successfully done it once, she is looking for a time travel companion for the next journey.

*Also, I just got back from Las Vegas and Arizona where I experienced earthly temperatures unheard of in the northeast. I have a pretty sweet farmer's tan to prove it. Tune in shortly and often because someday I will eventually, maybe, update my own blog with stories of that trip, plus some kind of bullshit red sox and/or patriots analysis.

That Hot Promethean Fire

The last few weeks have been interesting, to say the least. As GTA Feghoot has noted, last week's HGS line up included le pere de lemur catta - my own father. This made for an enjoyable family occasion, but it also meant a duplication of the regular trivia night division in the lemur catta household: joining my wife on the opposing Team-o Supreme-o sat my own mother, a trivia-mongering barfly and church handbell director with enough interest in British monarchial history, sports, and television to put HGS in the hot spot. Luckily for us, from my intelligence reports, it appears that a few of the right answers she suggested weren't included on T.S.'s answer sheet, likely sparing HGS from a much narrower victory. Plus, as has been noted, the hot spot is not new to us. We invented it.

Still, Team-o Supreme-o may have become HGS's true opponent in these last few weeks. They are worthy advesaries. It will be a pleasure to defeat them.

My parents have now returned to the Gulf Coast, back to the humid and humble submetropolis of Baton Rouge, where the trivia is not quite so British, nor so stocked with the many ales of the Empire. I hope that since their visit, when they're back home sipping an Abita at The Caterie, the ringing of the Arctic Monkeys long dissolved from memory, they'll have a clearer picture of how a few grad students and friends drank that Milwaukee summer under the table.

and now...

i give you...



taco cat!

Boston Massacre

I would like to take this opportunity to officially nominate neurotic wonderboy for President of Red Sox Nation. If his name were to appear on the ballot it would be a landslide victory. He's already devised a great campaign slogan: "Drink More Cranberry Juice!"

Quiz League, Week Five: Backdraft, or Too Hot to Handle

The theme this week: fire.

So Wednesday night, the HGS was represented particularly well, only missing one veteran member (neurotic wonderboy was out of town, experiencing a heat all his own in Arizona): parenthesis (girl), GTA Feghoot, lemur catta (both pere and fils, a delightful surprise), Violet, Mr. 'Birthday Boy' ARO, and Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner. The hard-hitting Fox 6 News team was a no-show, attempting to salvage some respectability by deciding to cover a four-alarm fire that had erupted on Milwaukee's north side earlier that evening instead of week five of the Brit Inn Summer Quiz League. However, while flames engulfed three businesses on N. Green Bay Ave., the reporters missed a fire that broke out inside the Brit Inn at a little past 8p.m.--that's right: the Hot Grad Students returned to full form, and they were en fuego.

Much to the dismay of the other teams, who, really, I thought were liking us more and more, the HGS garnered 43 out of a possible 50 points. Our prize this week? A bottle of vodka to help "cool us down." While it may do that, one bottle won't be enough to douse the "towering inferno" of the HGS: it's going to take many more to extinguish our thirst for alcohol; after all, we are grad students, not to mention hot. On the HGS label, it states: "WARNING: CONTENTS (IN)FLAMMABLE!" No wait, we don't like labels. Lapels maybe.

Hyperbole aside (no, GTA Feghoot, say it ain't so!), we definitely had some nice moments this week. We were able to pull the answer of "Freedom Tower" out of our ass (just like the person who named it did from his), and we were successful on the "massive" (the Qu?zmaster's favorite word, yeh-yeh) questions that dealt with the various James Bonds and the 10 countries that start with the letters MA. But fellow Hot Grad Students, there is still work to be done! Fox 6 News might be back next week! We still have to solve the mystery of our waitress who seems to have disappeared! We need more bottles! And it's only week five--AND there's no All-Star Break!!!

P.S. Thanks to the Milwaukee Qu?zmaster for bringing the Arctic Monkeys songs back to the top of the program. Long live the MQ and the Flourescent Adolescent!

Too Much Publicity a Bad Thing?

So our beloved Milwaukee Qu?zmaster recently announced on his blog that the Fox 6 News Team will be attending the weekly festivities tomorrow to report on the phenomenon that has become the Brit Inn Summer Quiz League. The story goes, with most of the details re-imagined, that one of the local Fox reporters got lost and wandered into the Brit Inn a few weeks ago. The Qu?zmaster subsequently got this reporter drunk and coerced him into doing the story. The MQ will now have to have a new blog motto: "He's the Man with All the Answers--As Seen On TV." The HGS certainly hopes that all this new-found fame does not go to the Qu?zmaster's head. We fear the day that Ryan Wickens becomes an answer to one of his own trivia questions, much less the topic of the whole Bonus Round. If this turns out to be the case, I say we all blame the hard-hitting Fox 6 News team, who, let's be honest, can make mountains out of molehills. After all, this is the same station that led off its late-night newscast tonight with a story about the curse of the Milwaukee Brewers magnetic schedule.

The reporters will most likely be able to witness the triumphant return of both GTA Feghoot and Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner, but will unfortunately miss the chance to interview neurotic wonderboy about the distinction he shares with Alyssa Milano: they both have blogs about baseball.

P.S. Although we are to be on our best behavior tomorrow, this potential television appearance will be quite the opportunity to promote the forthcoming Hot Grad Students: The Movie, an action-packed animated extravaganza soon to be opening at the Marcus Prospect Mall Cinema. Senor Spielbergo directs.

Quiz League, Week 4: Insert Witty Subtitle Here

Following the return of the pre-quiz theme song (woohoo) and the standard "Good Evening Shorewood!" salutation, this week's quiz opened with a declaration (npi) that any and all celebrations of independence were forbidden. Luckily for us, we know not of this independence concept. Freedom? From others? Does that include my dissertation advisor? No? Ok.

This week the HGS were severely limited, missing GTA Feghoot who is really in charge of all things Oscar-related, James Bond and NFL. Hence we finished in an as-yet-unheard-of fourth place, albeit only four points out of first place. This week was a fast-paced and low-scoring week (out of 40 points as compared to recent weeks' totals well over 50). Hopefully it will just be dropped from our score as one of our "three lowest." Despite this blow, we remain in first place in the quiz-league standings, much to the disappointment of the other teams, I'm sure ::waves at Van Buren Boys::

We were also, it seems, undernourished, as there was no food service yesterday evening and at least three of us wanted potato skins to pair with our quaffables. Oh well. Next week.

What was good? We (like most teams, I'm sure) swept the lightning rounds handily. I attribute this in part to our many years as students (an average of 20 years per team member; and, yes, that does mean some of us have *more* than that) and having taken many multiple choice and matching tests in those years.

Our illustrious Quizmaster provides a link to this blog in his recap of last night's goings-on. However, there appears to be a typo in the link, leading the reader, hilariously I might add, to this lovely site. I hope it's a typo. Or a joke. Because, goodness.

In any case, if it gets fixed, welcome to new readers, friendly or foe-ish.

I won't dare close with an altered quotation from some Henry Adams or whoallever. Instead I leave you with this tidbit of an intarweb find:

There has already been a "team" calling themselves "hot grad students". Hopefully we won't suffer their fate, with someone (probably me) injuring their knee mid-quiz and having to drop out entirely.

yup. that's all.

Quiz League, Week Three: Why Am I The Only One Blogging About This?

So the Summer Brit Inn Quiz League continued last Wednesday evening, and only parenthesis (girl), GTA Feghoot, lemur catta, and violet (formerly known as "The Power") of the HGS were in attendance (neurotic wonderboy and someone we'll call Mr. ARO decided to ditch us for some lame party). While in weeks past 47 points would have cemented a victory for the HGS, this particular week it was only good for a tie for 2nd, as HGS finished two points behind the Brit Inn veterans, the Van Buren Boys.

The HGS received much more applause than usual when our score was called, which can only mean that the other trivia teams are finally coming around and warming up to us.

There was some controversy concerning one of the questions that dealt with American cities that have hosted both the Super Bowl and the World Series, but ultimately that was not what did the HGS in. Rather it was poor attendance again by our teammates. Perhaps if all six of us had been there, we would have deduced what state Britney Spears was born in, or how many times Seve Ballesteros actually did win the British Open. The only way we're going to be able to win this thing is for consistent participation by ALL six HGS members. I know it sounds like I'm calling people out, but it has to be done. Attendance is imperative.

By the way, GTA Feghoot won't be able to make it to this week's Independence Day lightning round. Sorry guys.

Hot Grad Student Sound-Off: Milwaukee Bars

Chuck Klosterman recently wrote an article entitled "5 Things No Bar Should Have." Here's what he says:

1. Natural light. Bars are supposed to be womblike sanctuaries, separate from the blinding bleakness of mainstream society. They should always be poorly lit, and they should not have windows. If I'm drinking at 3:00 P.M., the sun should not remind me what time it is.

2. Patrons who are reading. Darkness also discourages all the bozos who think people will be impressed if they're seen reading in a bar, which is as cool as being drunk at Barnes & Noble.

3. Loud music. There is a belief among many bar owners that loud music creates intimacy (which theoretically increases the possibility of romantic interplay, thereby prompting people to return) by forcing patrons to sit closer together and scream directly into one another's ears. Everybody hates this. I have never been in a bar where people complained about the music being too soft.

4. Dogs. Never bring your dog into a bar. Ever. They're not clean, and they make the place feel like a veterinarian's office. How is it that you can't have a lit cigarette in any bar in New York or L.A., but you can have a pit bull? I understand that cigarettes cause cancer; they do not, however, rip the faces off small children.

5. Twenty-two-year-old female bartenders who "just wanna party." I already have enough problems. That's why I came to the bar.

* * * * * *

Seeing that the HGS is in Milwaukee, the American city with the most bars per capita (at least it seems like it--anyway, most American cities make this claim), and seeing that HGS has collectively been to most of those bars, it might be useful to take a poll of our responses to Klosterman's article (as well as to help promote HGS solidarity and more activity on this blog). So answer the following questions why don't you:

1. Do you agree or disagree with Klosterman's 5 points? What would you add or subtract to his list? Why?

2. Can you think of any Milwaukee bars you like to which some (or all) of Klosterman's points do not apply? What are they? Why?

Upon your next visit to the blog, post your responses. Make sure to take notes and keep track of the processes you utilize in order to draft this response in preparation for a reflective blog entry to follow.

Quiz League, Week Two: Boos-ing It Up

So this week the HGS was back in full force--six members total, including many fan favorites: parenthesis (girl), neurotic wonderboy, lemur catta, GTA Feghoot, The Power, and someone we'll call Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner (a rookie brought up from the minors due to Mr. ARO's absence). And the HGS totally dominated, scoring 46 points out of a possible 50. The Qu?zmaster confessed he had been busy (most likely chatting it up with U.S. Immigration Services again) and said many of the questions weren't that difficult. Either he was right, or HGS was, as our name suggests, totally hot. We didn't miss a point until the 5th round (some David Beckham question) and the only query that completely stumped us dealt with identifying a song from Pink's oeuvre. On the whole, it was a very impressive showing. The coup de grace was definitely going 10 for 10 on the massive Canadian province question. So all you other teams can hose off, eh!

We were awarded boos again from the other teams, and awarded booze again from the friendly staff at the Brit Inn (one of whom thinks we're not that hot, and one who constantly refers to the team as Sexy Hot Grad Students). Italics aside, not everyone has become an enemy. And I'm sure we'll continue to receive boos from the other teams, especially from the Van Buren Boys.

As Henry Adams once said, "The boos of the Van Buren Boys were a negative force, and negative forces have value." Sho 'nuff.

Quiz League, Week One: Come for the booze, stay for the boos

So GTA Feghoot and lemur catta were the only two regular HGS members able to make it to the first week of the Brit Inn summer pub quiz league. Needless to say, we won (that's four weeks in a row--we're the fucking Boston Red Sox of trivia night); however, the questions were noticeably more difficult (Wickens stepped up his game) and, despite winning, the two HGS definitely could have used the minds of their fellow teammates. For example, some questions relied on heavy brainstorming strategies that would have been aided by the presence of others (like name the six wives of Henry VIII) while some were simply esoteric (like what is 'San Diego' German for, according to Ron Burgundy of "Anchorman"? Answer: Whale's Vagina. Who knew? Answer: Practically everyone else in the bar except HGS).

What's important is that we prevailed, and when the Milwaukee Quizmaster himself announced us as the triumphant squad, we were greeted with unanimous boos from all the other teams. We might normally feel like the Red Sox, but, at that precise moment, we knew what is was like to be Barry Bonds.

live free or die wicked hahd

trying to represent for the HGS, i attended another trivia night in Rochester, NH, at the 103 restuarant. The red sox were on the tv and I was sucking down Mountain Dew - pretty much in my comfort zone. long story short, we came in second. our team name was "the d-20s" - bonus points if you can guess what insanely geeky reference we were going for there. It was me, someone who I'll call the scourge and someone else i'll call the "kid" since he was not yet of drinking age. it's the kind of pub quiz where most of the questions are easy, so if you get the one hard one wrong, you're F'd. So, we got a few of those wrong and lost first place by about 5 points to the Rat Bastards, a weekly favorite to win, a team scourge and i were on two weeks ago, but we defected.

i regret at least 2 answers.
1. it's a 5-minute majore in hockey, not 2 or 4. I should know that, but major penalties are rare.
2. i mixed up coral and limestone. coral is in fact not a rock, but is a living thing. stupid coral.

tomorrow night we might go to trivia in dover, same host, so same set up. i am ambivalent about it.

two heads are better than...five?

so GTA feghoot and I attended pub quiz tonight at the BritInn per usual. we ended up having NO OTHER TEAMMATES. But, we still won. Phew. Granted, the regular challengers weren't in attendance, but still. Zach Braff/Barf and Steven Hawkings Football Boots were lame per usual. also, the Van Buren Boys sans the boy I recognize.

Winnings? Stoli Citrus. Mixings.

Bonus Round? The Solar System. Whatev.

High and lowlights (you decide): Fat Boy Slim question. I kicked ass. Boston Red Sox Number o' World Series: we got it wrong and underestimated; sans Neurotic Wonderboy we were limited. Some lame losing team was called "Better Without Bacon" which, clearly, (a) was incorrect and (b) was wrong for a losing team.

Ryan sed the 4th category is now called "Film and Telly"...I suggested "Flim Club" or "We (heart) flim" for a JV hotgradstudents team if ever we should front one.

League starts next week. I won't be there. Others had better. Also there had better not be some category about rhythmic gymnastics. For serious.

kisses, parenthesis (girl)

hit for the cycle

Amalie Benjamin reports on "Extra Bases" that one benefit to the Sox - A's game going into extra innings was that Mark Ellis was able to hit for the cycle. And even though the Sox lost, I agree w/ Benjamin, because I've never seen anyone hit for the cycle. Unfortunately, this is still true because I went to bed when at the top of the 10th. Damn west coast games. My friend Justin says that you should never leave early from two things: concerts and sports games. So true. You always miss something.

Libiamo ne' lieti calici

According to imdb.com, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (the stars of "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz") are developing a new television show called "La Triviata," a sitcom about a pub quiz team that will premiere in England sometime this year. Supposedly these two, being good friends, participate regularly on their own pub quiz team called "QWA: Quizzas With Attitude." Now that's off the fucking chain!

No(trivia--I'm)Mad: The Conspiracy Continues

So parenthesis (girl), GTA Feghoot, and someone we'll still call Mr. ARO went to the Nomad Pub on Brady Street to scope out the weekly Sunday night pub quiz. Everything we had consulted beforehand stated the contest usually begins at 9pm or thereabouts; however, 9:40 came by to say hello and, wouldn't you know it, not a word, not a hint, not a "we'll be starting as soon as our lame host arrives," not even a cancellation announcement concerning the trivia. The beers we had sipped for two hours and our minimal tolerance of the televised Yankees-Red Sox game were all for nothing (well, maybe not the beer). Once again, we'd been had. While the Bremen Cafe had recently instituted a ridiculous rule about the number of trivia team members the week before (see a previous post), the Nomad Pub pub quiz simply ran in fear from the Hot Grad Students. When asked about it, various patrons mumbled, "What pub quiz? I don't know anything about any stinking pub quiz." If last week's events were immature and unrefined, then this week's were downright shameless. Obviously, word spreads fast in the Milwaukee Pub Trivia Circuit. The Hot Grad Students are still out there, and while we've always been "hot" in terms of our enthusiasm for trivia and our sexual attractiveness, our opponents can add these new connotations: violent, furious, intense. So watch out! Perhaps we should have guessed that this would be the case with both the Bremen Cafe and the Nomad, two establishments whose names recall itinerants and wanderers. While these places sent the HGS again wandering the streets of Milwaukee searching for the next pub trivia challenge, fear not: we'll see you on Wednesday.

This reminds me of something Vladimir Nabokov once said concerning a similar let-down he had with a certain pub trivia night: "This was disappointing. Secure in the fortress of daylight, I said to myself that I had expected more."

granite state trivia: another lousy tee shirt

Estranged from the other HGS, I participated in pub trivia at the 103 restaurant in Rochester, NH this past Tuesday. I was picking up the slack on a team that has regularly placed in the top 3 (according to team leader, MFS). Our team was comprised of four NH Eye-talians. We took an early lead and pretty much kept that until the end. The questions were fairly easy, and seemed to speak to each of our strengths. Teamwork, as we have stated, is key.

The prizes were hats and tee-shirts from beer companies. Oddly, I had to go all the way to NH to get a miller lite hat. It says "Ireland" on the brim. Take a moment and consider the juxtaposition of these three details: a Miller-Lite Hat, that is adorned with the Irish flag and a shamrock, won in New Hampshire. I wore it home.

The Height of Knowledge, the Abyss of Ignorance, or: I went to Bremen Cafe Pub Trivia last night and all I got was this lousy tee shirt

So last night parenthesis (girl), GTA Feghoot, and someone we'll call Mr. ARO attended for the first time the weekly Pub Trivia competition at the Bremen Cafe, presided over by a fairly affable young woman who seemed as equally interested, if not more so, in intoxicating herself and in plugging some film about punk rock in Arkansas (she even had tee shirts to give away) as she was in hosting the trivia game. Needless to say, the atmosphere was laid back, and, surprisingly, the drinks were inexpensive. However, the evening activities were somewhat tarnished by the newly-implemented house rule that allows for only two members per trivia squad. We inevitably participated individually, and ultimately H.G.S. suffered for it.

Obviously, the reputation of the Hot Grad Students preceded us, and the utter fear in the other competitors' faces was undoubtedly present as the three of us sat there confidently, answering questions on small squares of paper and eating our Big Polish sandwiches. This pub trivia was a challenge to us--not in its level of difficulty, but in its attempt at destroying the integrity of the group. Pub Trivia is a team sport. And while many if not most of our adversaries would stop at nothing to cause a rift in our group's chemistry, they have simultaneously underestimated us by focusing on how HOT we are and not on how GRAD STUDENT we are. The conspiracy against us is transparent. We are way too smart for that.

Mr. ARO, as an individual performer, was the most successful, winning one of the aforementioned tee shirts the host was giving away as prizes for victory in a round. Despite GTA Feghoot's plea that Mr. ARO throw it back, alas, we are grad students, and we cannot afford to look a gift tee shirt in the mouth. He kept the shirt, most likely only to wear it to other trivia competitions in order to strike fear in the hearts of other teams.

While the Bremen Cafe tried to crush our collective team spirit, the events of this past Sunday have only united us more in our determination to win. As stated above, Pub Trivia is a team sport. I believe it was Henry Adams who discussed the value of working as a team in Pub Trivia: "They knew nothing themselves. Only by comparison of their ignorance could the hot grad students measure their own."

dead weight

i heard that the Hot Grad Students took first place in pub trivia last week. of course, i wasn't there. i'm thinking that the two are probably related in someway. although, i'm usually good for one or two key points (remember Africa!). since i'll be in wicked awesome new hampshire for a few weeks, i'll be attending pub trivia here in the granite state, representin' the hot grad students in the land of libertarians, bringing in the critical analysis to the live-free-or-die-ers.

if the prize is cash money, i'll buy some cheap wine for our party. maybe a box - i don't know.

neurotic wonderboy Goes To A Bar

Neurotic Wonderboy walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."

The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." Neurotic Wonderboy pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.

"Sorry, kid," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."

Neurotic Wonderboy pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" Neurotic Wonderboy asks.

Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

The Milwaukee Pub Trivia Circuit

Schedule:

The Nomad: Sundays, 9pm.

Bremen Cafe: Sundays, 9pm.

Vitucci's: Tuesdays, 8pm.

Stonefly: Tuesdays, 10pm.

The Brit Inn: Wednesdays, 8pm.

Obviously, we'll have to alternate pubs on Sundays, but it seems feasible to do a doubleheader on Tuesdays. The way I see it: Hot Grad Students will be a farce to be reckoned with! Who's with me?

what's wrong with this picture?

English Graduate Students Go Bowling

A group of English graduate students takes a trip to the Landmark Lanes to bowl. It turns out that one bowling team is missing their best bowler, Dee (as usual, the graduate students employ their stripper pseudonyms when they bowl). Her alternate Michele (also a stripper name) only averages 80 points per game. The team is doing very poorly, having lost the first game of the match, when Dee finally shows up. The assistant captain is then bombarded by requests to take Michele out and to let Dee bowl, when she yells out, "Do not ask for whom Michelle bowls, she bowls for Dee!"

what's wrong with this amazon.com screengrab?

hell, what's not wrong with it?
lacanian reading, anyone?

hot, but not a grad student; too bad

It's a pitty that this kid isn't the head of some BackStreet Boys Studies Program. Yet another reason why Academia has missed the mark.

jack

with all the media coverage on race, the debate over who says and can say what, what is the what, and the Tyra Banks show, i find that the statement my friend Dave White said in his 2005 UROP presentetation rings truer everyday:

white people don't know jack sht about race.

but the Fox taxi cab animated commercial is amazing. Unfortunately, this sample clip gives you little to know idea about why it's amazing. One commercial shows the cabbie trying to learn english on tape, repeating the phrase, "which detention center am I supposed to go to?" or something like that.

Product Review: Fitz's Pop - Strawberry and Grape

Thanks to Adam O., I've been enjoying 4-packs of Fitz's fine stuff since Spring Break. I burned through the Strawberry Soda lickety-split and I'm now on to the Grape Pop.

Both are delightful. The Strawberry is smooth. You might want to wear deck shoe when you drink it; it's that refreshing. The Grape Pop is a little more daring - something like the taste of medicine; it's got kick.

Being from the Northeast, I take pride in calling carbonated bevs "soda" as opposed to "pop" or "tonic." But, since Fitz's is so good, I'm likely to call it just about anything they want me to.

This soda/pop/tonic experience is native to St. Louis, I think it's on the Loop, this part of St. Louis that's kinda hip and far away from the crime and the poor people.

Rating: "I'll call it anything you want me to" on a soda to pop rating scale

product review - Trader Joe's Espresso Soda

This is one of those products where you take two things you already like and just put 'em together. While not a fool-proof way of coming up with new and exciting products, it's always (ALWAYS) worth at least a try. So, when I saw Espresso Soda at Trader Joe's, I thought, "this could work."

Well, it's just ok soda. Not nearly as good as OK Soda, which if you remember, was perfect. It might've been the soda that all other sodas should be measured against. Second only perhaps to Mountain Dew. I'd be hard-pressed to choose between the two of those.

Espresso Soda, while I thought it would be dark and thick and eyetalian, like espresso often is, it was quite light and bubbly. But, not refreshing enough. The coffee weighs the soda down, much like the blackness of Coke Black. Coffee drinkers should drink coffee, and I think soda drinkers would have to pass on Trader Joe's Espresso Soda - though it was an intriguing idea and worth the attempt.

I rate this as just ok on a scale of so-so to OK (tm)

to suta

be a flying toaster. shoot rainbows out of your mouth.

an appropriate first post.

this is awesome.