Hot Grad Student Sound-Off: Milwaukee Bars

Chuck Klosterman recently wrote an article entitled "5 Things No Bar Should Have." Here's what he says:

1. Natural light. Bars are supposed to be womblike sanctuaries, separate from the blinding bleakness of mainstream society. They should always be poorly lit, and they should not have windows. If I'm drinking at 3:00 P.M., the sun should not remind me what time it is.

2. Patrons who are reading. Darkness also discourages all the bozos who think people will be impressed if they're seen reading in a bar, which is as cool as being drunk at Barnes & Noble.

3. Loud music. There is a belief among many bar owners that loud music creates intimacy (which theoretically increases the possibility of romantic interplay, thereby prompting people to return) by forcing patrons to sit closer together and scream directly into one another's ears. Everybody hates this. I have never been in a bar where people complained about the music being too soft.

4. Dogs. Never bring your dog into a bar. Ever. They're not clean, and they make the place feel like a veterinarian's office. How is it that you can't have a lit cigarette in any bar in New York or L.A., but you can have a pit bull? I understand that cigarettes cause cancer; they do not, however, rip the faces off small children.

5. Twenty-two-year-old female bartenders who "just wanna party." I already have enough problems. That's why I came to the bar.

* * * * * *

Seeing that the HGS is in Milwaukee, the American city with the most bars per capita (at least it seems like it--anyway, most American cities make this claim), and seeing that HGS has collectively been to most of those bars, it might be useful to take a poll of our responses to Klosterman's article (as well as to help promote HGS solidarity and more activity on this blog). So answer the following questions why don't you:

1. Do you agree or disagree with Klosterman's 5 points? What would you add or subtract to his list? Why?

2. Can you think of any Milwaukee bars you like to which some (or all) of Klosterman's points do not apply? What are they? Why?

Upon your next visit to the blog, post your responses. Make sure to take notes and keep track of the processes you utilize in order to draft this response in preparation for a reflective blog entry to follow.

Quiz League, Week Two: Boos-ing It Up

So this week the HGS was back in full force--six members total, including many fan favorites: parenthesis (girl), neurotic wonderboy, lemur catta, GTA Feghoot, The Power, and someone we'll call Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner (a rookie brought up from the minors due to Mr. ARO's absence). And the HGS totally dominated, scoring 46 points out of a possible 50. The Qu?zmaster confessed he had been busy (most likely chatting it up with U.S. Immigration Services again) and said many of the questions weren't that difficult. Either he was right, or HGS was, as our name suggests, totally hot. We didn't miss a point until the 5th round (some David Beckham question) and the only query that completely stumped us dealt with identifying a song from Pink's oeuvre. On the whole, it was a very impressive showing. The coup de grace was definitely going 10 for 10 on the massive Canadian province question. So all you other teams can hose off, eh!

We were awarded boos again from the other teams, and awarded booze again from the friendly staff at the Brit Inn (one of whom thinks we're not that hot, and one who constantly refers to the team as Sexy Hot Grad Students). Italics aside, not everyone has become an enemy. And I'm sure we'll continue to receive boos from the other teams, especially from the Van Buren Boys.

As Henry Adams once said, "The boos of the Van Buren Boys were a negative force, and negative forces have value." Sho 'nuff.

Quiz League, Week One: Come for the booze, stay for the boos

So GTA Feghoot and lemur catta were the only two regular HGS members able to make it to the first week of the Brit Inn summer pub quiz league. Needless to say, we won (that's four weeks in a row--we're the fucking Boston Red Sox of trivia night); however, the questions were noticeably more difficult (Wickens stepped up his game) and, despite winning, the two HGS definitely could have used the minds of their fellow teammates. For example, some questions relied on heavy brainstorming strategies that would have been aided by the presence of others (like name the six wives of Henry VIII) while some were simply esoteric (like what is 'San Diego' German for, according to Ron Burgundy of "Anchorman"? Answer: Whale's Vagina. Who knew? Answer: Practically everyone else in the bar except HGS).

What's important is that we prevailed, and when the Milwaukee Quizmaster himself announced us as the triumphant squad, we were greeted with unanimous boos from all the other teams. We might normally feel like the Red Sox, but, at that precise moment, we knew what is was like to be Barry Bonds.

live free or die wicked hahd

trying to represent for the HGS, i attended another trivia night in Rochester, NH, at the 103 restuarant. The red sox were on the tv and I was sucking down Mountain Dew - pretty much in my comfort zone. long story short, we came in second. our team name was "the d-20s" - bonus points if you can guess what insanely geeky reference we were going for there. It was me, someone who I'll call the scourge and someone else i'll call the "kid" since he was not yet of drinking age. it's the kind of pub quiz where most of the questions are easy, so if you get the one hard one wrong, you're F'd. So, we got a few of those wrong and lost first place by about 5 points to the Rat Bastards, a weekly favorite to win, a team scourge and i were on two weeks ago, but we defected.

i regret at least 2 answers.
1. it's a 5-minute majore in hockey, not 2 or 4. I should know that, but major penalties are rare.
2. i mixed up coral and limestone. coral is in fact not a rock, but is a living thing. stupid coral.

tomorrow night we might go to trivia in dover, same host, so same set up. i am ambivalent about it.

two heads are better than...five?

so GTA feghoot and I attended pub quiz tonight at the BritInn per usual. we ended up having NO OTHER TEAMMATES. But, we still won. Phew. Granted, the regular challengers weren't in attendance, but still. Zach Braff/Barf and Steven Hawkings Football Boots were lame per usual. also, the Van Buren Boys sans the boy I recognize.

Winnings? Stoli Citrus. Mixings.

Bonus Round? The Solar System. Whatev.

High and lowlights (you decide): Fat Boy Slim question. I kicked ass. Boston Red Sox Number o' World Series: we got it wrong and underestimated; sans Neurotic Wonderboy we were limited. Some lame losing team was called "Better Without Bacon" which, clearly, (a) was incorrect and (b) was wrong for a losing team.

Ryan sed the 4th category is now called "Film and Telly"...I suggested "Flim Club" or "We (heart) flim" for a JV hotgradstudents team if ever we should front one.

League starts next week. I won't be there. Others had better. Also there had better not be some category about rhythmic gymnastics. For serious.

kisses, parenthesis (girl)

hit for the cycle

Amalie Benjamin reports on "Extra Bases" that one benefit to the Sox - A's game going into extra innings was that Mark Ellis was able to hit for the cycle. And even though the Sox lost, I agree w/ Benjamin, because I've never seen anyone hit for the cycle. Unfortunately, this is still true because I went to bed when at the top of the 10th. Damn west coast games. My friend Justin says that you should never leave early from two things: concerts and sports games. So true. You always miss something.

Libiamo ne' lieti calici

According to imdb.com, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (the stars of "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz") are developing a new television show called "La Triviata," a sitcom about a pub quiz team that will premiere in England sometime this year. Supposedly these two, being good friends, participate regularly on their own pub quiz team called "QWA: Quizzas With Attitude." Now that's off the fucking chain!

No(trivia--I'm)Mad: The Conspiracy Continues

So parenthesis (girl), GTA Feghoot, and someone we'll still call Mr. ARO went to the Nomad Pub on Brady Street to scope out the weekly Sunday night pub quiz. Everything we had consulted beforehand stated the contest usually begins at 9pm or thereabouts; however, 9:40 came by to say hello and, wouldn't you know it, not a word, not a hint, not a "we'll be starting as soon as our lame host arrives," not even a cancellation announcement concerning the trivia. The beers we had sipped for two hours and our minimal tolerance of the televised Yankees-Red Sox game were all for nothing (well, maybe not the beer). Once again, we'd been had. While the Bremen Cafe had recently instituted a ridiculous rule about the number of trivia team members the week before (see a previous post), the Nomad Pub pub quiz simply ran in fear from the Hot Grad Students. When asked about it, various patrons mumbled, "What pub quiz? I don't know anything about any stinking pub quiz." If last week's events were immature and unrefined, then this week's were downright shameless. Obviously, word spreads fast in the Milwaukee Pub Trivia Circuit. The Hot Grad Students are still out there, and while we've always been "hot" in terms of our enthusiasm for trivia and our sexual attractiveness, our opponents can add these new connotations: violent, furious, intense. So watch out! Perhaps we should have guessed that this would be the case with both the Bremen Cafe and the Nomad, two establishments whose names recall itinerants and wanderers. While these places sent the HGS again wandering the streets of Milwaukee searching for the next pub trivia challenge, fear not: we'll see you on Wednesday.

This reminds me of something Vladimir Nabokov once said concerning a similar let-down he had with a certain pub trivia night: "This was disappointing. Secure in the fortress of daylight, I said to myself that I had expected more."