Hot Grad Student Sound-Off: Milwaukee Bars

Chuck Klosterman recently wrote an article entitled "5 Things No Bar Should Have." Here's what he says:

1. Natural light. Bars are supposed to be womblike sanctuaries, separate from the blinding bleakness of mainstream society. They should always be poorly lit, and they should not have windows. If I'm drinking at 3:00 P.M., the sun should not remind me what time it is.

2. Patrons who are reading. Darkness also discourages all the bozos who think people will be impressed if they're seen reading in a bar, which is as cool as being drunk at Barnes & Noble.

3. Loud music. There is a belief among many bar owners that loud music creates intimacy (which theoretically increases the possibility of romantic interplay, thereby prompting people to return) by forcing patrons to sit closer together and scream directly into one another's ears. Everybody hates this. I have never been in a bar where people complained about the music being too soft.

4. Dogs. Never bring your dog into a bar. Ever. They're not clean, and they make the place feel like a veterinarian's office. How is it that you can't have a lit cigarette in any bar in New York or L.A., but you can have a pit bull? I understand that cigarettes cause cancer; they do not, however, rip the faces off small children.

5. Twenty-two-year-old female bartenders who "just wanna party." I already have enough problems. That's why I came to the bar.

* * * * * *

Seeing that the HGS is in Milwaukee, the American city with the most bars per capita (at least it seems like it--anyway, most American cities make this claim), and seeing that HGS has collectively been to most of those bars, it might be useful to take a poll of our responses to Klosterman's article (as well as to help promote HGS solidarity and more activity on this blog). So answer the following questions why don't you:

1. Do you agree or disagree with Klosterman's 5 points? What would you add or subtract to his list? Why?

2. Can you think of any Milwaukee bars you like to which some (or all) of Klosterman's points do not apply? What are they? Why?

Upon your next visit to the blog, post your responses. Make sure to take notes and keep track of the processes you utilize in order to draft this response in preparation for a reflective blog entry to follow.