HGS 2.0: The Weekly Round-up

Howdy cowpokes! Since GTA Feghoot and parenthesis (girl) are off entertaining parental units (who may or may not become honorary members of HGS next week – stay tuned loyal readers!), I figured I'd step up to the plate and do the weekly in summation.

HGS is still in third place overall, with only four points between us and second place, five between us and first. And let me tell you folks, this race is gonna be closer to call than a Michael Vick dog fight (What? Too soon?).

This past week HGS gave good show (one point away from the two teams tied at second, two away from first), even though we were continually heckled all night by someone that HGS has dubbed "Weird Beard." As mah pappy woulda said, that boy's all hat and no cattle. (Personally, I woulda said he's so ugly he looks like he was born downwind from an outhouse, but then I'm not as nice as mah pappy.)

Speaking of things that just ain't right. As you know, I'm a newbie on HGS so I only heard vague rumors about the chilly reception that they get at the BrittInn, like how other teams won't clap for them at the end. Even so, I was still shocked at how rude these Yankees can be. I know mah momma didn't raise me to be a sore loser, but I guess some people was weaned on sour grapes. As mah momma woulda said, them sums-o-bitches were probably born inna barn, and if their brains were leather, they couldn't saddle a flea. (Personally, I woulda said they couldn't pour piss outta boot with a hole in the toe and the directions on the heel, but then I'm not as charitable as mah momma.)

Although HGS did well, I don't think I contributed much. I felt like a blister; I only showed up when the work was done. Here are stirring tales of people who didn't sit on their goshdarned spurs:

GTA Feghoot knew who the heck Phileas Fogg was – an explorer from Jules Verne's Around the World in Eighty Days. In other words, he's ridin' high in tall cotton. Most of us literary types, though, were amused that this question got shuttled under the "History and Politics" category. As you Yanks 'cross the pond might say: Honestly.

parenthesis (girl) rightly stood up to LSW here, insistin' that the three counties in Wisconsin that began with a "J" were Jackson, Jefferson, and Juneau. It was not Jasper County, which is actually in East Texas. Ah well. You can take the Texan out of Texas… Anyhow here's to parenthesis (girl), whose determination shows she'd charge hell with a bucket of water.

Yet again, lemur catta showed off his mad geography skillz. (Armenia? Yukon? Yowza!) What can I say? That boy's as serious as the business end of a .45.

If'n that don't beat a hen peckin,' Alistair LaQuisha Spiritrunner was gay enough to know that Justin Guarini was runner-up on the first season of American Idol. Yup, that gal's slickern butter.

Someone not on this blog – let's call her THE WAD – knew that "Octopussy's Garden" was not one of The Beatles' number one hits. That Wad: she's so hot the fire ants don't sting her.

Next week, the mighty HGS will once again travel the long miles to the BrittInn. I wouldn't declare it's far away, but most Texans would say, "You need to get where? Well, here's whatcha do. Turn left past yonder, and it's two hoots and a holler away." Never mind that; we'll be there folks. Just remember this sage advice: a drought usually ends with a flood. By the way, for all of those out there who are as smart as mashed potatoes, that last sentence meant: watch out for the rise of HGS! Don't call it a comeback. We've been here for years.

For now, as they say in Mexican, adios compadres. But y'all come back now, ya hear?